(ooc: took a while to get back. I had to crawl back inside the crazy!head)
One word that can definitely not describe Ianto is predatory. Under normal circumstances he's only dangerous if backed into a corner or if someone threatens people he cares about, and even then, he prefers a stun-gun to an actual gun. His aversion to killing was slowly giving way as he became more and more ingrained in Torchwood. Like Gwen, Ianto is changing, and perhaps that change isn't altogether positive. Torchwood took the soft-spoken Welshman from the country and made him downright cutthroat.
That's why his brain is trying so hard to push back on the false memories because they don't belong in any way inside Ianto's mind. He might kill someone for Jack, but innocent girls are no threat to Torchwood. He's not supposed to feel gleeful over the pain of others, the soft noises they make when they bones crack and their hearts stop beating. That's not who he is.
The screams finally dissipate, replaced by shuddering gasps, and he grasps for his reality, not the one Adam constructed. He knows who he's supposed to be, and this isn't it. He might not have been happy, but his life had meaning. He knew what he was striving for even if it was unattainable. Ianto's good with impossible goals; they at least provide him with a purpose, even if he knows he's grasping at straws.
This isn't who he is, and killing gives him no purpose.
no subject
One word that can definitely not describe Ianto is predatory. Under normal circumstances he's only dangerous if backed into a corner or if someone threatens people he cares about, and even then, he prefers a stun-gun to an actual gun. His aversion to killing was slowly giving way as he became more and more ingrained in Torchwood. Like Gwen, Ianto is changing, and perhaps that change isn't altogether positive. Torchwood took the soft-spoken Welshman from the country and made him downright cutthroat.
That's why his brain is trying so hard to push back on the false memories because they don't belong in any way inside Ianto's mind. He might kill someone for Jack, but innocent girls are no threat to Torchwood. He's not supposed to feel gleeful over the pain of others, the soft noises they make when they bones crack and their hearts stop beating. That's not who he is.
The screams finally dissipate, replaced by shuddering gasps, and he grasps for his reality, not the one Adam constructed. He knows who he's supposed to be, and this isn't it. He might not have been happy, but his life had meaning. He knew what he was striving for even if it was unattainable. Ianto's good with impossible goals; they at least provide him with a purpose, even if he knows he's grasping at straws.
This isn't who he is, and killing gives him no purpose.