That embrace is more agonizing than the convoluted memories are. It brings back sensations, feelings and emotions he's managed to ignore, shut away in a little box since he arrived here. Because he's very stupid, oh so stupid, he reaches up and clings to Jack's shirt, gripping right below the arms.
He tells himself that touching Jack will make this all easier, but he knows he's lying to himself. He wants to touch because he's human, and even Ianto at his most dead inside wants to be human. Jack gives him a reason to live, but he also makes him feel human, because what is more human than being in love? Jack is his safety net and so he clings.
He begins to shudder, as the memories continue to fight back. They want to stay, they want to convince Ianto that Jack is the enemy, that he's invading who Ianto is and making him someone he's night.
Jack wants to take away his independence.
He's trying to control his emotions. Using them to make Ianto his perfect servant again.
He begins to struggle against Jack, trying to push him away, in the same way the memories are pushing back against his sanity. He hears his breath hitching in a panic, and he wants to stop, but he can't, every inch of his being fighting back against closure. Fight or flight, and in this case, Ianto's mind is ordering him to flee.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2010-08-25 04:40 am (UTC)He tells himself that touching Jack will make this all easier, but he knows he's lying to himself. He wants to touch because he's human, and even Ianto at his most dead inside wants to be human. Jack gives him a reason to live, but he also makes him feel human, because what is more human than being in love? Jack is his safety net and so he clings.
He begins to shudder, as the memories continue to fight back. They want to stay, they want to convince Ianto that Jack is the enemy, that he's invading who Ianto is and making him someone he's night.
Jack wants to take away his independence.
He's trying to control his emotions. Using them to make Ianto his perfect servant again.
He begins to struggle against Jack, trying to push him away, in the same way the memories are pushing back against his sanity. He hears his breath hitching in a panic, and he wants to stop, but he can't, every inch of his being fighting back against closure. Fight or flight, and in this case, Ianto's mind is ordering him to flee.