NOW YOU LISTEN HERE, JACK HARKNESS. YOU DON'T INTIMIDATE ME WITH YOUR BIG WORDS OR YOUR TOTAL LACK OF ATTENTION AND YOUR WEIRD WAYS OF HANDLING EMOTIONS OR YOUR FANTABULOUSLY EMO TRENCHCOAT.
But ignoring feelings doesn't make them go away, and pretending they don't exist doesn't mean they're not real, and that's why you bottle so much up inside YOU START TO AVOID HUMANITY AND FORGET WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE A PART OF IT.
You're not the only one that's lost-- Leave the coat alone. Gotcha.
Not slip right back. Nothing's that easy. But I don't think it would hurt. And maybe actually talking about the big pink elephant in the room makes the big pink elephant in the room go away without anybody having to be strangled.
How do they teach you, in angelic communities, to go on knowing that most of the world has no idea what you are, probably wouldn't believe you if they knew, and probably wouldn't understand even if they believed? Have you actually worked out how to go through generation on generation of humans getting old and dying while you watch them, having to introduce and explain yourself to a new crop of them every few years, and never starting to wonder what the point of it is? Or do angel communities just close off, after a while, look at interacting with supernaturals as quaint and the mundane as pointless? Because it seems like from what I hear, the only angels who don't have a cultivated tradition of aloofness are the guardian angels, and no one expects you to live that long.
I can't speak for anybody else but I go on because even if they wouldn't believe or understand what I am, humans are beautiful. Even at their most terrible, that's still humanity. I don't remember what it's like to be all human. You'd think I would. Wasn't that long ago I changed but I don't remember, so I can't imagine what it's like for you after living so long and what you've been through but I want you to remember. Even with the bad stuff, there's also good stuff and I want that for you.
No, I don't think it's been worked out. Some Firsts lose their compassion and don't remember what it's like to have a nature that's close to human. They prefer it that way. It serves them well as leaders, or so they think. But look at Romana.
I don't know how long I'll live. I'd say that's up to you but that's not fair. No one's taught me to be a certain way. What I've lived and what I've lost or done doesn't force me to be that way. I'm just like this even if I'd rather be different sometimes. I'd rather not care as much. I'd rather just accept some things are the way they are and people don't want to be protected by me or anyone. I'd rather not butt in since it's not what you want but I can't shut it off. Most of the time I don't want to because even if I'm wrong, it can't hurt to have someone trying.
I still remember what it was like. And every few months or years I get another reminder that things aren't like that, any more.
The angelic aloofness isn't all arrogance. Sure, looking at someone like Romana, you might think
Some of it's necessary. Otherwise, you're
There's good stuff, yeah. But you can't weigh everything on it because it's too transient. When everything is transient except you, if you can't live without those things at the end of the day, you can't live.
Sometimes avoidance just means refusal to engage. Not denial, not fear, just... survival.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2010-10-22 12:50 am (UTC)How much is enough?
no subject
Date: 2010-10-22 12:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-22 01:00 am (UTC)But ignoring feelings doesn't make them go away, and pretending they don't exist doesn't mean they're not real, and that's why you bottle so much up inside YOU START TO AVOID HUMANITY AND FORGET WHAT IT IS LIKE TO BE A PART OF IT.
Capische?
no subject
Date: 2010-10-22 01:36 am (UTC)You think I'd slip right back into the flow of humanity if I just learned to open up a little?
no subject
Date: 2010-10-22 01:58 am (UTC)You're not the only one that's lost--Leave the coat alone. Gotcha.Not slip right back. Nothing's that easy. But I don't think it would hurt. And maybe actually talking about the big pink elephant in the room makes the big pink elephant in the room go away without anybody having to be strangled.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-22 05:24 am (UTC)How do they teach you, in angelic communities, to go on knowing that most of the world has no idea what you are, probably wouldn't believe you if they knew, and probably wouldn't understand even if they believed? Have you actually worked out how to go through generation on generation of humans getting old and dying while you watch them, having to introduce and explain yourself to a new crop of them every few years, and never starting to wonder what the point of it is? Or do angel communities just close off, after a while, look at interacting with supernaturals as quaint and the mundane as pointless? Because it seems like from what I hear, the only angels who don't have a cultivated tradition of aloofness are the guardian angels, and no one expects you to live that long.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-22 03:18 pm (UTC)No, I don't think it's been worked out. Some Firsts lose their compassion and don't remember what it's like to have a nature that's close to human. They prefer it that way. It serves them well as leaders, or so they think. But look at Romana.
I don't know how long I'll live. I'd say that's up to you but that's not fair. No one's taught me to be a certain way. What I've lived and what I've lost or done doesn't force me to be that way. I'm just like this even if I'd rather be different sometimes. I'd rather not care as much. I'd rather just accept some things are the way they are and people don't want to be protected by me or anyone. I'd rather not butt in since it's not what you want but I can't shut it off. Most of the time I don't want to because even if I'm wrong, it can't hurt to have someone trying.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-22 03:43 pm (UTC)I still remember what it was like. And every few months or years I get another reminder that things aren't like that, any more.
The angelic aloofness isn't all arrogance.
Sure, looking at someone like Romana, you might thinkSome of it's necessary.
Otherwise, you'reThere's good stuff, yeah. But you can't weigh everything on it because it's too transient. When everything is transient except you, if you can't live without those things at the end of the day, you can't live.
Sometimes avoidance just means refusal to engage. Not denial, not fear, just... survival.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-23 05:07 am (UTC)But shouldn't life be about more than survival?
no subject
Date: 2010-10-23 03:49 pm (UTC){{OOC: There's about a two minute lag before the next word shows up.}}
torture, I suppose.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-23 04:59 pm (UTC){{OOC: ;~;}}
Can we find a comfy middle? We do have time.
no subject
Date: 2010-10-23 06:08 pm (UTC)